A recent writing posted by Mr O reminded me that I’ve been meaning to write about my own experience as a long-term cuckcake! Since I’ve only engaged in this dynamic with O and toy I will be writing from a very personalized perspective. However, I hope that you can identify with some part of what I have to share 🙂
I started dating O and growing a friendship with toy at around the same time. I knew they had a cuck and ESM based dynamic and was aware that eventually, if I continued to date O, I would likely be involved in some part of toy’s cucking. So I entered relations with both of them not “looking” to be a cuckcake necessarily, but knowing that I likely would be in that position at least once in a while.
My first experience ever as a cuckcake was with them both and, above all else, they made me feel cared for, desired and important to them. They each individually took the time to talk to me before we played (especially toy) so we could all get what we wanted out of our time together. They answered all of my questions and made me feel safe and desired. Afterwards I was checked in on by each of them and my overall encounter was hot, fun and empowering. I never once felt used or discarded – I felt cared for and cherished.
I think as cuckcakes we need to ask ourselves: what do I want out of this interaction? For me (at least in the beginning) it was a sense of being wanted, being the center of attention, being “the prize” so to speak. I also wanted to explore more group sex dynamics and this allowed me to do just that. Reflecting on what I wanted out of these experiences allowed me to get my needs met and helped prevent me from feeling “used” so to speak.
As a bottom I don’t have natural tendencies to want to “top” people. This also applies to toy. I didn’t really have any direct desire to “humiliate” her or tell her what to do during sex (but I was fine with O doing so). I did, however, immensely enjoy talking about all the ways he felt good and watching how excited it made her. We also agreed early on that toy and I wouldn’t engage in sexual activity with each other unless O was present or gave explicit permission – so being the cake allowed me to have sex with toy (something I like and want).
My fulfillment from being a cuckcake has evolved over time. Being able to participate in cucking experiences as a cake over and over with the same “couple” has afforded me the confidence to explore sides of me I never expected to emerge.
I genuinely LIKE watching toy beg him to fuck her, it’s exciting to see her turned on knowing I’m getting something she will never have. It makes me feel sexy and powerful to tell her all the ways I am better than her (within the cucking dynamic). I enjoy giving her my tight holes to lick and get ready for his cock, watching her clean us up after, calling her pathetic while she begs to for him to fuck her.. It’s all very arousing to me. With every year that passes I find myself filling this cuckcake role so much more naturally. It’s something I miss when we’re apart for too long and something I love when we’re together.
All that being said, I believe that as a cuckcake I have my own responsibilities to uphold just like the cuckquean and the “hot husband” do. I have a responsibility to stay within the boundaries of what everyone has consented to and to fulfill the commitments we have made in terms of aftercare etc. I also think I have one responsibility that stands out above all others…
I am responsible for finding reassurance and understanding separate from the cuck (ie. toy). Especially mid-cucking. That’s not to say that I can never check in after a scene, but I need to understand that what we are doing IS going to hurt her at times and it’s not appropriate or fair for me to ask her if she’s ok, or to ask her to tell me she isn’t sad, hurt, upset etc. Sometimes she will be sad. Sometimes she might be hurt. I am literally fucking the person she desires and telling her how sad it is that he won’t touch her. It is not the time to be stepping out of that role to ask her for reassurance.
When I first started as a cuckcake I needed more reassurance. I would often get it from O or from reminding myself of the one-on-one chats I had with toy BEFORE we played. I would remind myself that this is something they both want and have consented to and that this is a huge part of her sexual humiliation kink. Sometimes I would also make more time to do other non cuck-based activities with toy one-on-one (even something as simple as watching a movie together or going for dinner). This worked well for us because we were friends / metamours / family first and foremost. I find I need less comfort now and have the benefit of seeing them both often and in many different contexts. I know (and feel) that I am wanted, loved and appreciated. Toy also shows me time and time again, through her actions and through how she treats me that she wants this, that it is fulfilling to her, that even when she is crying she has consented to this.
Being a long-term cuckcake has been incredibly rewarding. It is sometimes hard and I sometimes fumble or feel off-kilter but it is and always has been worth it to be able to engage in such a meaningful and powerful experience. I hope this reaches other hopeful cakes and helps add some spice to your own journeys as you explore and discover who you are and what you want out of your own sexual relationships <3
