I’m often asked how I learned rope bondage / shibari, and the answer is usually not what people want to hear.
The truth is that it took a long time, practicing over and over, and slowly improving with the help of experienced partners. I’m sure there are some that can learn quicker, but for most of us many lessons and hours of practice are needed. Sadly the idea that there is a video we can watch or a book that will teach it all to us in a few hours just isn’t true.
In my case, I started by reading a few books, and experimenting at home with some hardware store rope. While it allowed me to do some light bedroom bondage, it wasn’t really possibly to make much progress this way. I don’t believe that I could have possibly learned the nuances of tension and rope placement from books or videos.
Later, I attended a few rope workshops. Honestly, I should not have been at them. Although the only pre requisite was a single column tie, the content was far above what I should have been learning. Unfortunately, like most people I was eager to get into more advanced topics, and didn’t realize that a one or two day workshop isn’t enough to really learn harnesses for suspension. Fortunately I had experienced partners who could guide me through it, but these experiences showed me that a more structured education was needed if I really wanted to learn shibari, or any other type of rope bondage.
My learning really started when I began taking weekly rope classes at a dedicated rope bondage school. They taught one particular style of shibari, and repeated the key elements over and over, week after week. By tying these harnesses consistently at classes and regular practice between classes I was able to progress through their complete curriculum over a period of about two years.
I wish there was some quick shortcut I could give those wanting to learn to do rope suspensions, but I don’t believe there is one. I also believe that anyone who suggests that they can teach a new top or bottom to do suspensions in a class or two is putting people at risk.
Shibari is inherently dangerous, but we can make it less so by thorough education. I think it is one of the areas of BDSM where learning from qualified teachers is invaluable. I feel very lucky that I was able to find a school where I could learn the skills needed.
Yes, this. It seems there was a big uptick in people learning how to tie rope during the pandemic and the only resources available at that time were online videos. I think many of those individuals have gained a false sense of knowledge and tend be over confident in their skills. It would be lovely if there were more opportunities available for people to receive the kind of extended in person training that you did.